Back again and feeling the love of my Heavenly Father

We are such sad Bloggers! We never blog it seems and for a blog to be successful and mean something (at least for me) I have to do it at least bi-weekly. I want this blog to be a record of things our family experienced and memories so that when our children grow up they can read these posts and remember the times we had as a family.
So one of the MAIN things that happened in this last year was the final adoption of Karyn and KayLynn. It was one of the best things ever after having worked on it for over two years. The next step was being sealed to them in the Temple. We were blessed to be able to go on a trip to Utah to be with family during Christmas, so we thought what a great time to do a sealing with all of our family there with us. So on December 27th surrounded by family at the Jordan River Temple, we were sealed together for time and all eternity.
We were also blessed to have one of the Sister Missionaries Sister VanSlyke with us. It was an amazing experience but even more awesome with her there. It just helped me to see where I had come from since I had started going to church and how great our Heavenly Father is. He really does know us and blesses us by surrounding us with people who will help us to grow. I am sure it meant a lot to her to see that someone she had taught the lessons to and helped baptize was now being sealed in the Temple.

Jordan River Temple, Utah

What a great feeling of love and happiness it was to be able to know that no matter what, we would be together for all time. I love my girls and I love my husband and I knew from the moment I met him (physically ;) ) that he would be the one I spent my life with here on earth and forevermore. He has been and continues to be a great father and Priesthood holder who helps me lead and guide our family. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father led us to each other and we were blessed to be able to do this together.
I think I will blog about the rest of our time there throughout the week. I need to find some of the photos that were taken while we were there. In the meantime it is Fast Sunday so I would like to bare my testimony.
 I KNOW without a doubt that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the one and only TRUE church. I like the 2000 Stripling Warriors strive to remember what their mother's taught them " if they did not doubt, God would deliver them." Alma Ch 54 v 47. I know that God has delivered me from a life of pain into one of happiness because I did not doubt and I trusted in his plan for me. I know that through him I can be a great mother and if I am faithful and follow his commandments I and choose the right I will return to live with him forevermore. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Family Pictures!

So, we had our now once annual family pictures done back in May and just haven't put them on until now. We had fun and I definitely think Amy captured
some great shots of us.

A Long Time

It's hard to believe how quickly time flies and how many other things there are that take your time when you're married with children. I remember when I got home from my mission, and none of my friends were active online anymore. I had no one to chat with, really. I didn't have a great gaming rig, either, so I couldn't do much of that. And I was always upset because my brother would only be on for a few minutes at a time, and then be gone. Most people I knew were like that.

But now that I'm married with children, I find that we don't spend as much time online as I used to, which kinda saddens me. We watch quite a bit of TV (Netflix, really), and that's entertaining and kinda nice when I want to just veg out. But I don't blog, or program, or listen to music much. And worst of all, I don't do so much of that (or anything else) with my wife or kids. Of course, temperatures in the "kill me now" range give me some excuse, but it's still pretty poor.

Matt Cutts, head of Google's webspam team, does 30-day challenges, and while it's actually the 3rd, I think for the rest of August I want to watch no TV, and instead spend at least 30 minutes a day with my Geekheart, and each of my Geeklets, doing whatever they want to do that's not watching TV. Yesterday my daughter wanted me to teach her to draw cats some more, but I didn't. I don't really like the disconnected feeling, so here's to spending more time with my family - not just around them.

The Urge

I've noticed that I have an overwhelming urge to create.

It's also interesting because I also like to know how things work.

Ever since I was a young child I had a fascination with taking a screwdriver to whatever was on hand. Sometimes it would get back together properly, but sometimes not. I've gotten a lot better as I've aged. It's interesting to me the dichotomy that exists between my dismantling things and my creation of other things.

When I create, I feel truly content - whether that's making a whistle out of bamboo or a ring out of some wood, or writing a program, or drawing a picture. It seems like an almost magical process - taking something ordinary, like a blank file, or piece of paper - and turning into something that is either useful in the way a program is useful, or useful in the way that a drawing is useful. One can be used to accomplish work, whether it's mental or physical, while the other is usually useful for bringing pleasure to the audience.

I apologize if this post seems rambling... I've just been thinking about it for a while.

All I really have to say is this:
Creation... it's what I like to do.

I believe

End of 2010

So as the year draws to an end I thought about things and one of them was the fact that wayne and I have not blogged faithfully at all. Seems life has taken us on many different paths and we aren't done yet. This blog may not make sense but it doesn't matter. It is a start right? lol
So, first off Roslayn is growing like a weed

She will be 8 months old in just 5 days and she is pulling herself up, about to get her first tooth on the bottom, says mama, dada and bebe. She loves to kiss the bebe she sees in the mirror and loves to jump in the johnny jumper and Grandmas house. She is a blessing in our family and she can't melt anyones heart and make you smile through tears.

The girls are now 5! I can't believe they have grown up so fast right before my eyes. Life will pass you by if you don't participate in it. The girls are very interested in Princesses and horses of course. KayLynn is shooting skyward in height! I think she is aiming to be taller than daddy ;) Karyn is such a wise little person. She is so smart and just decides to show off when she wants to unlike her sister. We finally got her into speech therapy and so far so good. We are working on the long S sounds with her. She knows it and makes it a point to let us know when she is done trying to pronounce something correctly. At least she is trying. The girls are good helpers with Rosalyn when they want to be. Unless of course she is crying then they just want mommy to make her be quiet lol.

We have certainly been trying to keep up with life roller coaster as it keeps trying to leave us in the dust. Right now I have made it my goal to finish the Book of Mormon before the new year but unless I read 300 pages tomorrow it isn't going to happen. So I am giving myself another week. I think that is reasonable. It has been quite uplifting and really nice to HAVE a goal. It is more of a challenge. I love reading but when it comes to the Book of Mormon I tend to get lost in it and just give up. But this time I am aiming to finish and I am going to do it :)

Wayne has one more semester left! I am so excited for June to get here. Not only is Wayne going to graduate, but he has a job waiting for him. Which means us moving which isn't so exciting in itself but hopefully we will be there for awhile. It also means a house which is something we have been longing for since we married. We have made so many goals it is kind of nice to check a couple of them and mark them done on the list. I am so proud of my husband. It hasn't been easy coming into an already made family and going to school full time, working part time, being freshly married AND staying faithful and righteous and doing all that Heavenly Father asks us to do.
Something that we have discovered both as a couple and individually is that every time we put Heavenly Father first and pray, read our scriptures, hold FHE and do our callings, things just seem to fall into place. But the more we murmur and skip prayer and FHE and make excuses when it comes to reading, the less things go our way. Since I have been reading in the scriptures this last week I have come across numerous people that did the very same thing. And they almost always realized what was happening and had mighty change in heart. I have been looking for this mighty change in heart and I think I have it. The spirit has been with me lately and I love it. I speak softer to my children even if they are throwing money around the room or screaming they hate me at the top of their lungs. I tell my husband I love him more often and I have faith that this cancer my mother has will be something that will help her to learn and grow stronger in the Gospel.
My mother was told the day before Christmas that she most definitely has cancer in her lung. The docs want to test her lung capacity and see if she can handle a partial lung remover. The only thing about that is that she has smoked cigarettes basically her entire life. She never has quit. I have been calling her pretty much every day trying to convince her to come out here with us and so far she has been dragging her heels. She knows that she can do much better her with is and that if she does indeed need surgery that we can take care of her. Plus she can be around her grandchildren.
My wish is that she does get to come out with us and that she will follow our example and that the Spirit will testify to her of the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have had dreams of my mother being baptized. I know it will happen. I have faith.
I think that is all for now. I may also be posting pics of butterflies mom got me for Christmas. They are caterpillars now but I am going to take pics of them every other day to see what their progress is like. I wish I could be a butterfly sometimes :)Until next time

a new day

so life has been kind of crazy lately. Ok! Really crazy. I just want to stop this merry go round and get off. The last 4 months have gone by like they never even happened.

1. Had to take over a fundraising campaign that an ex-co-worker didn't complete right before i was leaving for maternity leave

2. Had my sweet little Rosalyn Adelene Isabel Werner on may 7th

3. Had my bestfriend and mom out to help after the birth

4. Had problems nursing and found out rosalyn was tongue tied

5. Flew to utah with 5 children under the age of 5 for my SIL wedding

6. Went back to work (so not fun)

7. My dear BIL passed away after a long battle with cancer (i will miss him)

8. Started taking medicine for postpartum depression

so much has happened , and that list is only a couple of things. I am so glad my geek is coming home tonight . I will feel whole again. :)

So Sad and alone..

So , my BIL passed away on saturday night...we were expecting it but not so quickly. I had to send my geek off to be with his family without me because I couldn't go because of our financial situation. Also, since starting work I have sunk into a deep depression, or postpartum. I don't even want to try anymore. So many things all at once. Makes things not worth it. If it weren't for having to take care of my babies I would probably run away.
Nothing is making me feel better. Not having my geek hurts so much and then it hurts even worse feeling like im not even apart of the family. I hate being a single mom. This just brings up all my issues.I hate this...

Luck!

I am the luckiest man alive! Why am I? Because I am married to the most wonderful, beautiful, incredible woman in the world; I have two three wonderful daughters; I get paid to play!

I have been married for 1.466 years now to a woman who has helped me to grow, to learn more about myself and being selfless and patient than anything or anyone else. She has been by my side through the good and the bad, she is the mother of my children, and I cannot say enough good about her. If that were all I would be incredibly lucky. But we also have three wonderful girls who teach me a bit more about love and selflessness and life and patience. They are totally wonderful.

And then I just got an internship at the Arkansas Highway and Transportation Department, and it feels like I get paid to play. I write programs which is something that I absolutely love. I get to go to work early (7:30 am) and leave @ 4:00 pm. And invariably when it gets to 3:00 pm I start thinking "Darn it! I only have an hour left!" then I remember that I have a wonderful family waiting for me at home and so it's easy to leave.

Sure there are some daily challenges and everything... but life is awesome

Skating

Sitting here outside my physics classroom, waiting for the biology(?) class to get finished, I was just struck with a severe desire to go roller skating. Being that my wife is giving birth next Friday, it would be me teaching my kiddos how to skate... but I just really want to right now. Weird, huh?

11 days to go...

So, the countdown is getting closer and closer to the end! ahhhhh! I can't even hardly think about it because it scares me and makes me extremely happy at the same time. Crazy how emotions are.
Chilling here at work not able to concentrate due to the ache in my bottom from sitting and the baby kicking and moving constantly. It's amazing how much this little booger moves. Not that he/she has that much room to move anyways.
Was talking with my boss today and realized that this is my last full week working! and I almost went into panic mode. I have so much to do when it comes to work and I feel awful leaving things and not being able to do them. But I will be so extremely happy and blissful that it will be easy to ignore work once the baby is here.
I just hope that things will be smooth and that nothing will go completely haywire while I am gone. I have a hard enough time staying home when one of the girls is sick. I usually find some reason to come in and do something. It wouldn't surprise that once the doctor says i can drive again that I find one reason or another to make it into work and work for a few minutes before someone tells me to go home lol.
I can't believe that in 11 days I will be holding this precious baby in my arms. I can't wait to see what you look like, how your eyes will be colored, will you have hair? I want to count those toes and fingers that have been poking and prodding me and just LOOK at you. It's amazing what me and my geek have been able to produce with our love. All because Heavenly Father brought us together, now we can bring you into the world to learn and to follow the straight and narrow path. I can promise it won't be easy BUT it is worth it. Heavenly Father told you of his plan and you accepted and now he has sent you to us. We are so lucky to have been chosen to be your parents here on this earth and for eternity. I love you baby werner!

pregnancy

So, I have so much to do and should be doing right now here at work. But I don't want to so I figure I will post for those of you who do read this.
So I am officially 28 weeks, feeling huge and very ready for this baby to be here. At this point I have two callings in church, nursery leader and I am on the relief society enrichment committee. On top of this I am working full time, taking care of the girls, and going crazy. There is not enough time in the day. I am tired by 2 in the afternoon and never willing to wake up in the morning.
We finally were able to take this past weekend and drive to Oklahoma to visit my family. I was very grateful to Wayne he drove the entire time. I would have fallen asleep at the wheel probably. Anywhoo, I had lots of fun visiting with my Aunt and just getting to be around her. She is like my mommy so I have to get my fix every once in awhile. We also took the girls to see my ex's mom and dad. They got to get their Christmas presents finally and they played around with the Papa. I am so very glad that I can have an awesome relationship with them even after everything with their son.
We also visited my friend April and I was able to take her some baby girl clothes I had been hanging onto for her. We dressed Alexis up in the green lacy dress I had found and she was so stinking adorable. We had a little photo shoot since Aprils camera was stolen. But the biggest thing was watching Wayne interact with the baby. Alexis is a little over a month old now and still tiny and he held her while she was sleeping (Uber cute!)and then he fed her! I almost cried watching them together. Just a little glimpse into what our lives will be like in 10 weeks. It's so amazing to think about.
KayLynn and Karyn are doing great. They are honery as ever and think they are grown ups.I pulled out some workbooks from Sing, Read and Write system that mom and dad got for the girls and I was helping KayLynn and asked her to tell me what certain letters were and all of a sudden I realized....SHE IS READING HER LETTERS! They weren't in alphabetical order, we were in the AEIOU part of the book and I was just amazed at how smart my little girl was. Of course I then tried to work with Karyn and she was more interested in scribbling and laughing at me trying to help her. So I figure she knows, she just doesn't care to brag about it which is just fine with me.
So thats about it for now. I better get to work. I have wasted enough time for now.

idiot driver

Ugh!
Today I had the most amazingly awful morning! first of all this child I am carrying thinks it's ok to wake mom up at 2:30 in the morning and play and not let me go back to sleep. I was up until 4 and when the alarm went off at 6:30 this morning I was so not ready to get up. Then I am off and go to walmart to pick up a gift card for one of our scholarship recipients. It takes them 15 minutes to verify whether I am able to authorize the use of the check. I told them it wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. I am spending money in their store you would think they would just take it.
After leaving walmart I realized I had left my phone at home. So I go home and get it, only to find that KayLynn dropped her baggie with her valentines cards in them. I knew she would be upset so I drove to her school to give them to her. That indeed was a proud mommy moment. She was so happy to see that I had found her cards. She had worked so hard on them yesterday.
So, then traffic is great I am heading up the hill to work and an idiot driver swerves into my lane! No signal no nothing! in order not to hit her I brake a little swerve and honk and I end up getting smacked by a branch. Which by the way scared the pee out of me. So this dumb driver continues to stay in front of me acting like nothing happened. So while I am burning holes into the back of her head I realise that my mirror is gone! Holy cow! are you kidding me! and there is nothing I can do about it! by this time I am seething mad that this woman is still in front of me and has the audacity to look in her mirror straight at me and smile like nothing is wrong.
If I wasn't pregnant I would have let her hit me! I would have kept on the gas and made sure she got me a new car. I need a new one anyways. But I am carrying my little geek and I want nothing to happen. So, I end up with a passenger side casing with no mirror and a license plate number make and model of a car and a sweet little smile to make my day..... :|

Amazin' Fruit!

Okay, it's not fruit, but it is amazing.

What is, you ask?

Google Calendar! If I want to create something, all I have to do is say something like: "8am-2:30p Opening at Student center" and it automagically fills up the event 8-2:30, where: student center.

The format doesn't have to be that exact, either. Google usually gets it right, and that is awesome.

Chocolate!!!

So, as you can see, there isn't much to say. We made a chocolate cake, and it was FUN!!!! and yummy hehe

Disconnect

I left my phone at home today by accident. As a result, I've caught myself looking for my phone to check the time and for messages at least 3 times today. It's a weird experience to realize how dependent I am on that device. After walking across campus and noticing the various students who had headphones in their ears or a phone in their hands I kind of felt... dirty.

It was like I was watching people's secret lives, right there in front of me. Normally I'm in the cocoon of my own personal tech bubble, and thus able to ignore people in general. But I felt like a voyeur - I was on the outside, looking in and nobody knew it.

All because I left my phone at home.

Little Things

So, I'm laying here next to my sleeping Geekheart, listening to the rain come down like crazy. I went to sleep around 9 with my wife, and then I woke up at 10. So I've just been plinking around on here, listening to her breathe.

This morning I woke up and my left hand felt extremely naked and vulnerable. My wedding ring was gone and I couldn't find it anywhere. It wasn't in the bed, on the floor, on the bathroom counter where I leave it to take a shower... glumly I pulled my CTR ring out of my desk drawer - I may not be able to wear my wedding ring, but at least I can wear a ring on my wedding finger.

I was running late already, but I decided I should try and get us all to pray. So down we knelt, and under a piece of paper lay my ring! Elatedly I put it on, with the remembrance that last night I gave my wife a massage and took my ring off to keep it from getting all lotion-y. If we hadn't had family prayer, I may not have found my ring yet. I'll let you judge for yourself, but to me it was an affirmation that family prayer (and prayer in general) is a good thing (tm).

I love my wife.

Slacker 4.0

So life lately has been very lacking. Wayne and I have been terrible at doing the daily things that we know we need to do. We haven't been reading our scriptures, doing FHE, or studying the lesson for Sunday BEFORE sunday if at all. I have felt rather empty as of late and I think it is due to the lack of keeping our promises with Heavenly Father. Doing all of those things has gotten me this far. I have a wonderful and awesome husband a great family, and a testimony that is so strong. I am MAKING the time from now on. There are no exscuses and I know that. If there is one thing I learned from being on my own when my ex left me is that you are the one who has to make things happen. If you want to be sad then you will be. If you are going to do nothing but complain then your always going to be complaining and never able to listen and see what you need to do.
I have so much in me to give to people around me and I haven't been doing that nearly enough lately. I also haven't been taking very much care of myself. I am no good if I am not taking care of myself. So last night I finally exercised after about 3 weeks and it felt great.
There is a way to get around this and I think Wayne summed it up best when he said "Just do it!"
Thats exactly what I plan to do :)

Feeling Bleh

So, this week has been kinda blah. So was last week too. I exercised a little bit last week. I haven't done anything this week, I just haven't had any energy. I have been so aggravated with life lately. First it was taking forever to get the sellers on our soon to be house to agree on things that needed to be fixed. Then last night our realtor calls and the sellers have agreed to do all that we asked pretty much so now it's time for an appraisal ( more money out the pocket) and then I don't know what. Then my car crapped out and luckily the guy that sol it to us is willing to work with us. So for now we have this 92 Buick regal custom that is so Awful! I am not even kidding. Mark ( the car guy) knew I didn't like it so he is continuing in his search to find something better. AND.....Julia wants a baby. Yes! Thats right! I want a baby. I have the "Baby fever" So bad! I have never been this way before. Last night I went into WalMArt and there was this baby crying. Probably newborn from the way the cry sounded but my instincts kicked me in the gut or something I don't know what happened but I was darn near to tears listening to that baby cry. I was thinking I needed to go find this baby and calm it down. HELLO! Reality came slamming back into me though and I realised that probably wouldn't be the thing to do. SO anyways. Here I am, going through trials, missing my girls, not making enough money( probably never will), not getting enough sleep, not reading the scriptures the way I should, and not praying. I am SO ready for this coming reunion. I need to recharge!

Gratitude

So, for the past month or so I've been playing Mr. Mom. As the result of a simple Cost/Benefit analysis, it just made more sense for me to stay at home. I wasn't making what it would cost to have the girls at daycare, and then having them at daycare means both of us miss out on spending time with them and my travel time on top of that made it easy to see that Mr. Mom was the preferable option. And it's been a lot of fun.

However, at times it's been a bit of a struggle - for the both of us. For Julia, she hates being away from the girls. And at times the stresses of her job get to her. For me, trying to do all the things Daddy needs to do - whether it's cook and clean, getting kids dressed, trying to teach the kids correct principles... as well as be a husband - it's a lot of work. Then, too, there's a sense of fulfillment in providing for my family that I'm missing out on. I felt that way once - I had been working and Julia was off work for some reason or another. When I got home, she had cleaned a bit, and the girls were playing, and Julia was cooking dinner. I just had this deep feeling of "rightness". That this was how it should be. It's a difficult concept to communicate clearly, so you'll just have to pretend you know what I mean ^_^

Lately, though, I've felt like I've been slacking - I'm not able to get everything done around the house that I would like to/need to. And then when Julia gets home, she'll just randomly do something that would have taken me a while to get done, while she's doing something else. It makes me feel a little down on myself. For instance, the other day I cleaned the kitchen. Then I made some banana bread and it looked like I hadn't cleaned the kitchen in the first place. The very next day I took the girls out shopping and to give Grandpa his Father's Day gift, and got home, where Julia had cleaned the kitchen and had two loafs of banana bread in the oven - and the kitchen looked GOOD. Then last night when I was reading the girls some bedtime stories, she washed all the dishes in the time it would have taken me to wash some of them.

So I get this combination feeling of intense gratitude and worthlessness, because it feels like I'm not really contributing all that much.