And Then She Left...

As always, sad, but true. As soon as she was down the hill and around the corner, that familiar, empty ache returned. To no longer be in the presence of my sweetheart, and our adorable girls, is a feeling that's almost unbearable.

Birthday celebration

Ok so maybe I was wrong to have been so pissy about things on my birthday. But I do still think that you should have been the first one to tell me happy birthday. So having said that I was totally blown away tonight. At the whole cheesecake and candles and birthday gifts. I was like thinking the entire time, "this is for me?" but why? And I know the answer is because you love me. I have been apart of your family for awhile but tonight it became even more obvious how much a part of it i really am. Including me in your family tradition made me feel like the most treasured and loved person ever. I will never be able to thank you and all your family enough. I am especially excited about the flute!!!!! I have never yearned for something so bad I dont think except for maybe being married to you lol. So I just wanted to say thankyou my gigageek and I love you!

My Birthday

So, today is my birthday. I am now 24 years of age. I have 3 year old twin girls and I am engaged to a wonderful man....who didn't tell me happy birthday. See the thing about it is we have this routine. Every morning my gigageek calls me without fail at 6am or whatever time I ask him to. Then we chat and pray and talk about what is to happen throughout the day. Then we text and talk throughout the day about whatver comes up. Then we have our nightly call and pray and talk about our day.
So...today I wake up to my gigageeks ringtone and answer feeling more than a little groggy but still able to function. He asks me how I feel and such. Then as I wake up we pray and I drink my breakfast and then decide I should take a shower. So we hang up and i tell him I will call later.
As I hang up I realise that it is indeed my birthday. Then I smile and wonder if my gigageek will tell me happy birthday when I call back. Well when we did speak again I had my bluetooth on and I was driving so we spoke for almost half the ride. That was ample time for my gigageek to tell me those two words. Did he? no.
So at this point I decide that I am just going to let him tell me when he remembers. Well he was in class all morning and I texted him a few times and called and recieved no reply until he called back around 1:00.
So we do the usual how are yas and what have you and he still says nothing. So I ask him in so many words if he knows what today is.....well of course he does.....then why has almost half a day passed by and no Happy Birthday?
I do not understand why it is so hard for men to realise that the simple mundane things matter so much. All I wanted was a Happy birthday from my fiancee this morning and only until I said something did he say something. So in that case it means nothing. His blog that he wrote for me/about me was sweet and beautiful. But in the state I am in I really dont want to be reminded of scars and whatever else you said in that poem. I dont care if you do love me and everything that is me...

Love, Dogs, and Death

This won't be nearly as long as I would like, simply because schoolwork requires attention.

Let me further preface this by saying that I don't like dogs. Most of them are smelly, annoying, and in general annoying. I don't usually get sad when I see a dead dog on the side of the road. I don't go out of my way to be cruel to a dog, but I'm usually not very "into" them you could say.

So imagine my surprise when today I got a txt from my Geekheart that informed me her puppy had died, and far from being happy or not caring even... I felt sad. I feel sad right now just writing about it. I'm sure it has nothing to do with how I feel about dogs, but instead how I feel about my fiance. My love for her is such that when the world is deprived of something that brings her happiness that it deprives /me/ of happiness.

It's an interesting feeling, to know that I love someone so much.

And a little frightening.

But love her I do, and sad I am at the passing of "Little Man".

Life, it is more than we think

It is said that once you find the one that you will know. It will be a thing of surety and you won't have to second guess yourself. I was the type to think the fairytale could be possible, just not for me. I have been proven wrong. For some reason Heavenly Father decided that I deserved this happy ending. Although, I wouldn't really call it an ending it is more of a beginning. Especially after a bunch of wrong turns or decisions I have made in the last 5 years. Or maybe they were good decisions, they led me to you. It sounds so corny but it is so true.
The love that we have has grown over time and we have cultivated it to suit us and to grow and thrive in our little family. We have learned by doing and we have made it our strength. We thrive off of one another and I think that is how it is supposed to be. Kind of like how we rely on Heavenly Father to help us endure. To listen to our fears and our worries and to comfort us in times of need. Heavenly Father knows exactly what he is doing when he influences us to do things. He leads us to the people we need to know and meet. I am so grateful for the many things I have been able to accomplish in this last year. For the growth I have had in the Lord and the gospel and the truth I know because of it.
He has proven his love for us so many times. I don't know how we could ever doubt it. H is there for us and with us every day and every moment. He knows exactly what we need and he gives it to us as long as we have faith and ask for it.
Wayne Joseph Werner, you are my true love. You are my daughters spirit father and we love you so much. I can't wait to know for sure that we are together for eternity. I love you forever and always.~Geekheart

loving you

i dont know how but loving you comes easily. its the one thing im sure of will always be there. I know that no matter what you will love me. Even if I disagree with you, even if im mad at you, even if i puke on you, you will always love me. I know that when you see girls that are pretty that all you can think about is me. You help me to believe that I am beautiful. You remind me constantly how much I mean to you and you show me too. I hope that I am as loving to you. I hope that I show you that I love you with every thing I have. I hope that my love radiates through my eyes right into your soul. I know That im going to marry you in 59 days!

excited?

Yeah i guess im excited but not excited to see you go. But ill be here waiting :P