The Urge

I've noticed that I have an overwhelming urge to create.

It's also interesting because I also like to know how things work.

Ever since I was a young child I had a fascination with taking a screwdriver to whatever was on hand. Sometimes it would get back together properly, but sometimes not. I've gotten a lot better as I've aged. It's interesting to me the dichotomy that exists between my dismantling things and my creation of other things.

When I create, I feel truly content - whether that's making a whistle out of bamboo or a ring out of some wood, or writing a program, or drawing a picture. It seems like an almost magical process - taking something ordinary, like a blank file, or piece of paper - and turning into something that is either useful in the way a program is useful, or useful in the way that a drawing is useful. One can be used to accomplish work, whether it's mental or physical, while the other is usually useful for bringing pleasure to the audience.

I apologize if this post seems rambling... I've just been thinking about it for a while.

All I really have to say is this:
Creation... it's what I like to do.

I believe

End of 2010

So as the year draws to an end I thought about things and one of them was the fact that wayne and I have not blogged faithfully at all. Seems life has taken us on many different paths and we aren't done yet. This blog may not make sense but it doesn't matter. It is a start right? lol
So, first off Roslayn is growing like a weed

She will be 8 months old in just 5 days and she is pulling herself up, about to get her first tooth on the bottom, says mama, dada and bebe. She loves to kiss the bebe she sees in the mirror and loves to jump in the johnny jumper and Grandmas house. She is a blessing in our family and she can't melt anyones heart and make you smile through tears.

The girls are now 5! I can't believe they have grown up so fast right before my eyes. Life will pass you by if you don't participate in it. The girls are very interested in Princesses and horses of course. KayLynn is shooting skyward in height! I think she is aiming to be taller than daddy ;) Karyn is such a wise little person. She is so smart and just decides to show off when she wants to unlike her sister. We finally got her into speech therapy and so far so good. We are working on the long S sounds with her. She knows it and makes it a point to let us know when she is done trying to pronounce something correctly. At least she is trying. The girls are good helpers with Rosalyn when they want to be. Unless of course she is crying then they just want mommy to make her be quiet lol.

We have certainly been trying to keep up with life roller coaster as it keeps trying to leave us in the dust. Right now I have made it my goal to finish the Book of Mormon before the new year but unless I read 300 pages tomorrow it isn't going to happen. So I am giving myself another week. I think that is reasonable. It has been quite uplifting and really nice to HAVE a goal. It is more of a challenge. I love reading but when it comes to the Book of Mormon I tend to get lost in it and just give up. But this time I am aiming to finish and I am going to do it :)

Wayne has one more semester left! I am so excited for June to get here. Not only is Wayne going to graduate, but he has a job waiting for him. Which means us moving which isn't so exciting in itself but hopefully we will be there for awhile. It also means a house which is something we have been longing for since we married. We have made so many goals it is kind of nice to check a couple of them and mark them done on the list. I am so proud of my husband. It hasn't been easy coming into an already made family and going to school full time, working part time, being freshly married AND staying faithful and righteous and doing all that Heavenly Father asks us to do.
Something that we have discovered both as a couple and individually is that every time we put Heavenly Father first and pray, read our scriptures, hold FHE and do our callings, things just seem to fall into place. But the more we murmur and skip prayer and FHE and make excuses when it comes to reading, the less things go our way. Since I have been reading in the scriptures this last week I have come across numerous people that did the very same thing. And they almost always realized what was happening and had mighty change in heart. I have been looking for this mighty change in heart and I think I have it. The spirit has been with me lately and I love it. I speak softer to my children even if they are throwing money around the room or screaming they hate me at the top of their lungs. I tell my husband I love him more often and I have faith that this cancer my mother has will be something that will help her to learn and grow stronger in the Gospel.
My mother was told the day before Christmas that she most definitely has cancer in her lung. The docs want to test her lung capacity and see if she can handle a partial lung remover. The only thing about that is that she has smoked cigarettes basically her entire life. She never has quit. I have been calling her pretty much every day trying to convince her to come out here with us and so far she has been dragging her heels. She knows that she can do much better her with is and that if she does indeed need surgery that we can take care of her. Plus she can be around her grandchildren.
My wish is that she does get to come out with us and that she will follow our example and that the Spirit will testify to her of the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have had dreams of my mother being baptized. I know it will happen. I have faith.
I think that is all for now. I may also be posting pics of butterflies mom got me for Christmas. They are caterpillars now but I am going to take pics of them every other day to see what their progress is like. I wish I could be a butterfly sometimes :)Until next time

a new day

so life has been kind of crazy lately. Ok! Really crazy. I just want to stop this merry go round and get off. The last 4 months have gone by like they never even happened.

1. Had to take over a fundraising campaign that an ex-co-worker didn't complete right before i was leaving for maternity leave

2. Had my sweet little Rosalyn Adelene Isabel Werner on may 7th

3. Had my bestfriend and mom out to help after the birth

4. Had problems nursing and found out rosalyn was tongue tied

5. Flew to utah with 5 children under the age of 5 for my SIL wedding

6. Went back to work (so not fun)

7. My dear BIL passed away after a long battle with cancer (i will miss him)

8. Started taking medicine for postpartum depression

so much has happened , and that list is only a couple of things. I am so glad my geek is coming home tonight . I will feel whole again. :)

So Sad and alone..

So , my BIL passed away on saturday night...we were expecting it but not so quickly. I had to send my geek off to be with his family without me because I couldn't go because of our financial situation. Also, since starting work I have sunk into a deep depression, or postpartum. I don't even want to try anymore. So many things all at once. Makes things not worth it. If it weren't for having to take care of my babies I would probably run away.
Nothing is making me feel better. Not having my geek hurts so much and then it hurts even worse feeling like im not even apart of the family. I hate being a single mom. This just brings up all my issues.I hate this...

Luck!

I am the luckiest man alive! Why am I? Because I am married to the most wonderful, beautiful, incredible woman in the world; I have two three wonderful daughters; I get paid to play!

I have been married for 1.466 years now to a woman who has helped me to grow, to learn more about myself and being selfless and patient than anything or anyone else. She has been by my side through the good and the bad, she is the mother of my children, and I cannot say enough good about her. If that were all I would be incredibly lucky. But we also have three wonderful girls who teach me a bit more about love and selflessness and life and patience. They are totally wonderful.

And then I just got an internship at the Arkansas Highway and Transportation Department, and it feels like I get paid to play. I write programs which is something that I absolutely love. I get to go to work early (7:30 am) and leave @ 4:00 pm. And invariably when it gets to 3:00 pm I start thinking "Darn it! I only have an hour left!" then I remember that I have a wonderful family waiting for me at home and so it's easy to leave.

Sure there are some daily challenges and everything... but life is awesome

Skating

Sitting here outside my physics classroom, waiting for the biology(?) class to get finished, I was just struck with a severe desire to go roller skating. Being that my wife is giving birth next Friday, it would be me teaching my kiddos how to skate... but I just really want to right now. Weird, huh?